Emily

Emily
Emily in her TEAM EMILY shirt for the Diabetes Walk

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

One of those days...

As is sit here and think about the events and the words that were spoken today, I can still feel the sadness that overwhelmed me earlier. We had Speech Therapy today, as we do every Wednesday. Today was a little difficult for me, though. See, I guess I have always had this fear that Emily would not be able to do things that normal children would do because she has Downs Syndrome. It's just something that I fight with. Over the last few months I have been able to curb that a little, and start to look at the bright side of things like the fact that I have a beautiful, happy little girl that I really believe can and will do anything and everything that she wants to do. Her wishes and wants may not be what we all envision everybody's dreams to be. So, most of the last few months I have been able to take what the therapists say, work with it, and move on. However, today...well it was just one of those days. I wasn't prepared for the words that were said today. To some, I know, it may not seem like such a big deal, and on a normal day, I probably would have just shook it off. At the end of the therapy session, the therapist was trying to explain some of the things that she would be working on strongly over the next few months, as they will be the only few months she has with her. During this conversation, she informed me, in the only way that she could, of how extremely far behind my baby girl is. Normal 3 year olds have about 1000 word vocabulary...Emily has a 3 word vocabulary on a good day. Then she starting asking me about us ever having neurological tests done on her. I tried to shut the ideas that were flooding my head as fast as I could because I knew if I let it run rampant, I would lose it right there in front of her. These two things sent me overboard today with sadness and a grieving heart for my little Emily today. As I said, it has been a while since things have hit me like this, so I am hoping that I am just having a bad day. I know I need to get it back together because I know that I love My Emily no matter what...the future is just unknown right now. With school looming on the horizon, it doesn't make these simple statements any less anguishing for me. I know that even right here on this blogging site that I am following that are going through so much worse than I could even imagine, and yet they are still going on. Sometimes this almost makes me feel bad for feeling the way that I do, but on days like this, I just can't seem to help it. Hoping for the comfort to come back...

2 comments:

  1. i am sorry you are feeling this way, but just like you have said to me, it's normal and you have the right to feel any way that you do. i understand when you say other are going through more, but that doesn't mean your feeling shouldn't be there, so mark feeling bad for feeling bad off your list. i'm not sure what to say to you for speach for emmy, since max is still so small i haven't gotten there yet, but i can tell you that the 4 other 2 1/2 yr.olds in my Ds play group only do sign language at this point maybe a few words here and there like emily. i never asked if signing was something that you do with her? you should check out www.babysigningtime.com lilly and max both love it. i can tell you that i don't think its odd for a almost 3 yr olds not to be speeking but maybe you could ask other moms on other blogs with older childern
    i know you don't need me to tell you emily is a beautiful, SMART, little girl and she is perfect.

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  2. Oh I am sorry that you had a rough day. I have a few of those too. Wysdom is young yet so I haven't gotten to the speach part as much. We are still working on sitting, which I know he is behind in even compared to his peer. However for whatever reason I have been able to take it in stride and know that when he is ready he will get it. Wysdom does do a sign or too and understands a couple. I would agree that you should see if that makes a difference. Hang in there kiddo. Check out talk tools to see if they have anything on their site. I know they have feeding stuff but I believe they also have speach resources as well.

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