Doubt...

This work plagues me about every other thought that goes through my head. As the new year approaches, I find March 16 (Emily's first day of school) coming all too quickly. Yesterday was probably the first day my husband and I have actually talked about her going to school. In doing this, a lot of points about the struggles that her, her teachers, me, and anybody else involved have been brought to my attention. The pains inside of me just seem to be getting deeper. The thoughts of why she had to have both Downs Syndrome and Diabetes is a very frequent question. Having one or the other would have been what I would now call simple...maybe not before all this happened, but definately now. If she didn't have Downs Syndrome, then I wouldn't feel the absolute need for her to enter school at this young age to get the therapy she needs because she wouldn't need it. Then, we could just simply wait til she turned 5 when she might possibly have a pump and be more equipped herself to take care of it. Without the Diabetes, I wouldn't feel the absolute uncertainty that I do right now that anybody is really ready for this. I think about how WHEN (I say when because there is no doubt that it will eventually happen) her sugar goes low at school, and how everything around her will have to stop in order to fix it. How can a parent expect an entire classroom to be haulted in order for the teacher to deal with their child? So, doubt has come on me. I don't know whether she is ready. I don't know whether the school is ready. I don't feel that I know much of anything right now other than I need answers from somewhere. I need the hurt that has come over me the past few days to go away so I can focus. The last few weeks have been rough anyway because her blood sugars have been all over the place. One meal it's high and the next it's low. We almost has a perfect day today, but the bedtime sugar check blew it. That's extremely stressful to deal with...especially when I have tried everything, and I feel like I am going in circles. Then I think about when this happens after she starts school...the questions just never end of how a teacher is going to deal with this and yet still take care of the other children in her class. Then of course comes the usual questions that I have been trying to answer from the beginning. How am I to function not knowing what is going on every minute of her day and not be the one that takes care of her day in and day out? How do I trust that everything that I have worked for the past 2 years will stay intact? Doubt...